My Diary
by Amy05322
Summary: This A Diary of the stuff i feel and think,take a look you mite relate.
1. Cry Day

WARNING:YOU MITE CRY!

Today is one of those days. The Day that comes every couple of 's's the day I question why I'm living. It's the day I let myself cry.I don't remember much of my childhood but I know enough. I wish that I could know more, but I can't. I ask god why he put me on this I supposed to be here? You know what I get? He says yes your exactly where I put you for a reason's have three brothers,But the thing is I only know one of them the best. The other 2 don't talk to me like they should. They know nothing of my life now as a teenager.

Heck they don't even know about me when I was a kid. They seemed like the brother who wishes I wasn't born. There's Alex who doesn't give a rats ass about anyone else for that matter. When I was little he looked like the nerdy kind of guy and he was fun for awhile until He grows up and said "I don't want to play anymore". I'm the youngest, he's the oldest, but he doesn't give me reason to look up to him.

He married to some sick bitch, who has a daughter who is the most selfish little girl you will ever meet. But I can kind of figure where she's coming from,But that's a different story. Let's go on to my other brother, Anthony, he's the big guy, who used to be fun when I was little. To him it was all fun and games,He's still that teenager. He's scared but he doesn't realize I try to make conversation with him, he turns it into some play fight where he tries so hard to make me forget what I'm talking just so he doesn't have to 's what makes me think that he doesn't really want me here.

To them two i'm just this mistake that happened one you know what maybe there right,i am a I know somepeople who like that are only a couple of people in my whole family that like the fact I was born. But out of all of them there's my grandfather, pape.i saw him everyday after schools would always help him with whateverHe needed me to do, to just getting up or actually helping with something. He was pound that his little girl, my mother, had her own little girl like she wanted.

When I was little I tried so hard just to learn Spanish so I could always talk with him and my grandmother. But that didn't happen when I was little because I was in a house where everyone spoke English, and never gave the chance to learn Spanish. I tried for years just to learn and that's what I've been doing Just for him. My grandfather told me I was beautiful, but I always said "No I'm not" because I believed I wasn't. I thought I was that little chubby girl With a bump on her upper lip that should've gone away when I was a baby. And you know what, I was smart when I was little, I didn't care for grades,Because the way I saw it was that you learn something because you should not because you have to. My Father. Well that's a different story.

I never knew father. Because he left when I was just a baby. I thought back and now that he never really wanted me. My Mother always told me it was because "He couldn't handle my brothers", but I think that's a lie. And aye someday she'll tell the truth. I tried desperately to at least know a little about him, But of course that really didn't happen. I did see a picture of him holding me as a baby, but who knows what he looks like now. I have a picture of my parent's Together, looking happy, but I think that was an act. I don't hate my dad for what he did. He had reason for it. So maybe right now he has a wife and kids and He's happy.

I somehow got his phone number a long time ago, but I was too scared to call. I thought that the minute he knew who I was he was going to hang up on Me and not care. I'm scared that one day I'll meet him and he'll say "you just some girl" and walk away. My Uncle who is also my godfather died 2 years ago,And I didn't even get to go to his funeral. He was always like a father to me and I was always like a daughter to him since he wasn't able to have children,If he could I know he would I saw my uncle I would jump into his arms and he would spin me around telling me he was so happy to see me and How he missed me.

I remember when I, my mother and grandmother drove up to Atlanta, Georgia to go see him in the hospital. My Mother and Grandmother saw him First, then they let me go and see him by myself. I felt like such an adult. I always was since the age of the year he died was when I was 13 and I just started at a new middle school that year. When I walked into that room I saw a man who looked nothing like my friend, my uncle. He looked like a whole Different person.

But he still had that smile that I loved to see and told me it was him. When he saw me his eyes flashed and his smile grew bigger even thoughI thought that was said "Come here mama, lay in bed with me" and that's just what I did. I went over to his bed said and laid down next to him And hugged him really tight and I actually started crying.

I remember him telling me how he got the cards I made him. He kept telling me he was okay and thatI shouldn't cry over "little old him" which always caused me to laugh 'cause he had that southern voice I loved. I remember him telling me to look out for My aunt ginger at home while he wasn't there. To watch over his model houses he always built in the basement. The way he said it was like he was telling me Goodbye.

But I never said anything because I was scared that it was even though the doctor clearly told me, my aunt, mother and grandmother that he was going To be just fine.

Well god had other plans. My uncle reminded me so much of my grandfather. They were like twins. My grandfather's good bye was way different fromMy I said goodbye to him I knew that I was never going to see him again. I remember I was at gymnastics class one day when my mothers Friend came and picked me up early and toke me to the hospital. I asked her why they were taking me to the hospital and she said she'd let my momma Explain, but the way she said and they way she looked was sad. Then my mom told me I was saying goodbye for good I just broke down. I was a big crying mess

Being held by my aunt who was also my godmother. She told me that he was going to a nicer place where he's not in pain and that he'll be watching over I didn't want that. I wanted him to stay with forever and to never let go. And I knew I was being selfish but this was a person I loved. Someone who was Fun and made I laugh, and who sang to me at night when I slept over, and hug me when I cry because of a bad nightmare. When my mother took me into his Hospital room I couldn't believe my eyes.

He had all these machines hooked up to him but I couldn't look away. The only thing that rang my mind was 'please, just fight, just for a little while' I lasted in that room for only a mar 5 minutes, which in that time was enough time for me to get a good look at Him and walk to his side and take his hand. He looked so cold. They told me that even though he was sleeping he could still hear me,but I didn't care what they told me, I leaned down and told him I loved him in Spanish," I Amor",right before I started crying really hard.

I'm glad that No one tried to hug me but I knew everyone was telling me I shouldn't cry 'cause he could hear me. But somewhere in the couple of seconds that passed after They told me not to cry they realized that I wasn't going to stop. So they got the only 2 brother who really don't care about me that much to drag me out of There while I was kicking and screaming at them to let me go.

I and my grandfather had that great bond because I was born on his birthday. One year later on Birthday. My 13th birthday is the day my grandma forgot on purpose that it was my birthday. I spent that birthday in my room crying only coming out when my Mother had gotten my brothers to come and sing happy birthday. I knew the 2 brothers that don't know anything about me, Alex and Anthony, didn't want to be There so I said goodnight and went make to my room to curl up in a ball.i became a loner after that.i didn't really talk to my friends,not that I had many to begin with at the time.

This is Diary of my 's is always a day in a month in year where i cry. this chapter while soon be contuniued starting with the last sentence of my you for reading this.i thought some people mite relate and i just wanted to show them there not reviews necssary,but if you want to go if you cried it's okay to cry


	2. My Valentine's Dream

Hi um its Valentine's Day and I kind of spent it alone in my room. Have you ever wanted someone to really understand you? To be by your side when you feel down?

Well yeah I do, and it just so happens to be my best friend. I don't want to give out his name so we'll us "Manny" as that's his nickname.I really thought for sure he would ask men to be his valentine but I guess I was just dreaming of it. I've been having that about him. Being his girlfriend. Going on dates with him. I even had a sex dream with him.

Let me tell you this guy is so sweet and cute it's hard not to like him.

I've known him since 7th grade but it's this year, 9th grade, where I really like him. His 2 best friends tease him and me calling me his girlfriend because weHang out so much together during school and we always hug and kiss each other on the cheek when we say hi or bye. He's the first person I see when I get on the the morning and he's the last one I see when I get off in the afternoon. I don't know if I like him like him or do I have a crush him. I don't know what I feel.

Really I just think I'm falling in love with him. He's the person I can go to about anything. He's what makes me smile in the morning. Unfortunatly he asked someone Else to be his valentine's. They actually went to the movies today. My Friends are his friends too and think we would make a good couple. There's time where I think He likes me back. When ever were're on the bus and I'm sitting in the sit in front of me and there's no one next to me he'll come, sit and put his arm around

My should and pull me in so I can snuggle up to him. And while I'm snuggling up to him he'll kiss my forehead and then start playing with my fingers, even listen To my ipod with me. That's also how I dreamed of our first kiss together one night. It went like this:

I_ was on the bus waiting for the bus to leave the school so I could go home. I'm in my seat with no one sitting next to me when me comes on the bus and_

_Atomatically sits next to me and gives me a kiss on the cheek while taking out one of my headphones so I can listen to him._

_"Hey was your day?" he said trying to make eye contact with me_

_"Just wonderful especially since I'm stressing over valentines day" I said sarcastically_

_"Why are you stressing over that?" he said putting his arm around me_

_"Well Mister if you must know, I plan on bring cookies to school and I don't have a valentine's"_

_"Please tell me you're making your HOMEMADE cookies, right?" He said getting all excited_

_"Of Course, you know I don't make anything out of a box"_

_"Well then I'll help you. When we get to your stop I'll come over" he said leaning towards me_

_"I think I like that idea, but what about the valentine's problem?" I whispered, leaning forward too_

_"I'll be having the Honors of doing that too" he said then is lips are together, moving._

_Oh gosh how there so soft and delicate. The kiss is slow and swwet. Just enjoying the moment I kiss back with a litter more pressure. Really? Come on, I'm a big girl._

_We slowly pulled apart._

_"Wow" was all I could say_

_"Yeah" he said with a happy sigh_

_"So does this mean we're and item now?" I said trying to figure out exactly what we were getting into_

_"It means I'd like you to be my girlfriend" he said bring his mouth back to mine_

Okay, so my dream was actually a little better than that. Okay WAY better than that, but it so hard to explain how it was. All I know was that the sex dream wasReally good and I hope I'll have a couple more of those in my life time


End file.
